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" Life as we know it is over."
Anonymous MCC Member after the MCC had voted to admit women members (circa 1998)

" If the French noblesse had been capable of playing cricket with their peasants, their chateaux would never had been burnt."
G M Trevelyan

" Cricket - A game invented by religious fundamentalists to explain the idea of eternal hell to non-Christian indigenous peoples of the former British Empire."
Joe O'Connor

" Cricket civilizes people and creates good gentlemen. I want everyone to play cricket in Zimbabwe; I want ours to be a nation of gentleman."
Robert Mugabe

" I don't play cricket. It requires one to adopt such indecent postures."
Oscar Wilde

" They're not called that in womens cricket - it's a manhole cover."
David Gower
(Commenting on cricket boxes)

" I thought they were only allowed two bouncers in one over."
Bill Frindall
(Commenting on a female streaker)

" Professional coaching is a man trying to get you to keep your legs together when other men have spent a lifetime trying to get them apart."
Rachel Heyhoe-Flint

" Athers to Athers, Dust to Dust."
Sign Outside Pub
(After the Mike Atherton ball tampering row)

" There's only one head bigger than Tony Grieg's and that's Birkenhead."
Fred Trueman

" Aussies are big and empty, just like their country."
Ian Botham

" If it had been a cheese roll it never would have got passed him."
Graham Gooch
(Commenting on the famous dismissal of Mike Gatting being bowled round his legs by Shane Warne)

" England have only three major problems. They can't bat, they can't bowl and they can't field."
Martin Johnson

" Don't bother shutting it son, you won't be here long enough."
Fred Trueman
(To an incomming Aussie Batsman as he opened the gate on his way to the middle at Lord's)

" The only respect in which the pitch resembled a billiard table was the pockets."
Harry Kham

" In women's cricket, there's been an uproar recently, because they've had the Bodyform series - where they're actually aiming at the box."
Lee Hurst

" The advantage England have got when Phil Tufnell is bowling is that he isn't fielding."
Ian Chappell

" A fart competing with thunder."
Graham Gooch
(Commenting on Englands chances in Australia '91-'92)

" Shane Warne's idea of a balanced diet is a cheeseburger in each hand."
Ian Healy

(Raman Subba Row) " I'm sorry about that, it might have been better if I had kept my legs together." (Fred Trueman) " Aye, it's a pity your mother didn't! "
Raman Subba Row and Fred Trueman (After Raman had dropped a ball off of Freds bowling which had gone for four)

" The Australian temper is at bottom grim. It is as though the sun has dried up his nature."
Sir Neville Cardus

" The mincing run-up resembles someone in high heels and a panty girdle chasing after a bus."
Martin Johnson on Merv Hughes

" Pakistan is the sort of place every man should send their mother-in-law to, for a month, all expenses paid."
Ian Botham

" They should cut Joel Garner off at the knees to make him bowl at normal height."
Geoff Boycott

" As harrowing occupations go, there can't be much to choose between Australian cricket captaincy and social work on Skid Row."
Doug Ibbotson